Sublime
I don't understand people that take their family for granted. I feel I could say this because I don't have that 'luxury' - the luxury of taking your family for granted. I grew up with just a brother - and he's like more than a couple of years older than me so we didn't really connect. He's just randomly nice to me - the way you are nice to strangers or people you haven't hung out with in a long time.
I spend my adolescent in boarding schools, where I bonded with a couple of girls. Some of them are nothing but shithoes, but only a few that I cherish until now. Mew is one of them, and she's married and living in Bandung. Anne is another, she's doing her Masters in UK, the only one who's actually doing the applauded thing in Malaysian education (she's going to be a lawyer.) Meanwhile I am still tumbling over and under the ocean we call life, my studies is floating or hanging in the air, my future looks stormy or just uncertain, and I am still in doubt. I cannot believe this is where my life has come to at this age. Never would I thought that at this age, nearly reaching the golden 30, that I would be such a failure in the eyes of society - unstable 'job', single and without a solid education background - but at the same time I am proud of the outcome.
I am pretty much happy about where my life is now if you minus the impending gloom of my parents and peer pressures. Actually this is what I want in life, to be doing something I am passinate about, and treating everyone equally, and being a better person. My day job can be classified as the resort's PR person, but honestly I am engrossed in this turtle conservation project, and working with the Marine Conservation of Malaysia to save the environment and wildlife. This is so not where I thought I will be doing - I figured with my background I would be doing some technical stuff, but you know sometimes you just have to follow your dreams.
Relationshipwise I'm hanging on. I've been worse, but right now I am doing fine. I guess after a while the physical absence of the person makes your heart forget about the implication of what its doing to your heart. There are days that went by without me thinking about him, and even now when I do think about him it feels emotionless. I can't even recall the sound of his voice. I still do remember how he smells like, and the hardness of his body. It still is hard to let go, but I have no CHOICE.
Where was I? Yeah, I was talking about my family. I am not close to them the way you see some girls are close to their families. I guess for me friends are enough. But sometimes I yearn for that kind of connection, the way some of my friends are able to share their thoughts with their parents - and how the parents understand that. So it makes me upset when I see people taking their parents for granted, especially the supportive ones. It was hard growing up for me. Dad only cared about his business and his women and mom is just... mom. She has her own business too.
I'm happy here. I think this is it. I might stick to this place and make it my own someday. Perhaps it is time to start my life now, make my move. Education is important, but there's always time. For now, I'm going to focus more on what's important to me right now - kindness and the quality of life. Okay, I got that from the movie Patch Adams.
If any of you guys that stumbled uponthis blog wants to go to Sipadan, I'm the person you should hook up with. It is GORGEOUS and AMAZING and it is right in our country.
I spend my adolescent in boarding schools, where I bonded with a couple of girls. Some of them are nothing but shithoes, but only a few that I cherish until now. Mew is one of them, and she's married and living in Bandung. Anne is another, she's doing her Masters in UK, the only one who's actually doing the applauded thing in Malaysian education (she's going to be a lawyer.) Meanwhile I am still tumbling over and under the ocean we call life, my studies is floating or hanging in the air, my future looks stormy or just uncertain, and I am still in doubt. I cannot believe this is where my life has come to at this age. Never would I thought that at this age, nearly reaching the golden 30, that I would be such a failure in the eyes of society - unstable 'job', single and without a solid education background - but at the same time I am proud of the outcome.
I am pretty much happy about where my life is now if you minus the impending gloom of my parents and peer pressures. Actually this is what I want in life, to be doing something I am passinate about, and treating everyone equally, and being a better person. My day job can be classified as the resort's PR person, but honestly I am engrossed in this turtle conservation project, and working with the Marine Conservation of Malaysia to save the environment and wildlife. This is so not where I thought I will be doing - I figured with my background I would be doing some technical stuff, but you know sometimes you just have to follow your dreams.
Relationshipwise I'm hanging on. I've been worse, but right now I am doing fine. I guess after a while the physical absence of the person makes your heart forget about the implication of what its doing to your heart. There are days that went by without me thinking about him, and even now when I do think about him it feels emotionless. I can't even recall the sound of his voice. I still do remember how he smells like, and the hardness of his body. It still is hard to let go, but I have no CHOICE.
Where was I? Yeah, I was talking about my family. I am not close to them the way you see some girls are close to their families. I guess for me friends are enough. But sometimes I yearn for that kind of connection, the way some of my friends are able to share their thoughts with their parents - and how the parents understand that. So it makes me upset when I see people taking their parents for granted, especially the supportive ones. It was hard growing up for me. Dad only cared about his business and his women and mom is just... mom. She has her own business too.
I'm happy here. I think this is it. I might stick to this place and make it my own someday. Perhaps it is time to start my life now, make my move. Education is important, but there's always time. For now, I'm going to focus more on what's important to me right now - kindness and the quality of life. Okay, I got that from the movie Patch Adams.
If any of you guys that stumbled uponthis blog wants to go to Sipadan, I'm the person you should hook up with. It is GORGEOUS and AMAZING and it is right in our country.
posted by tolldoll at 1:01 AM
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